How To Overcome Shyness: Five Proven Techniques

The problem with overcoming shyness is that most of those who struggle with feeling shy are looking in the wrong place for a solution. Because the uncomfortable feelings take place when they are in any kind of social setting, they inaccurately believe their troubles are external. This can lead to avoidance of socializing for fun or dodging interactions with a boss just to convince themselves they are okay - putting the blame on the external world for triggering those uncomfortable feelings.

But to overcome shyness successfully, one must begin to look inward instead of outward. Here are five proven techniques that will help shy individuals begin to free themselves from the debilitating effects of social anxiety:

Technique #1 - Taking Back The Reigns

Untreated shyness can become debilitating over time because shy people can start to avoid all social situations just to escape the negative feelings. These feelings of fear and anxiety are like a runaway train, and the shy individual jumps on board, with no control over his or her life.

Taking back the reigns will immediately produce an initial calming effect. It is time to reflect on where shyness resides on the inside. It could be that the anxious feelings only appear when speaking with strong men, in front of attractive individuals or maybe it only happens in groups of two or more people.

At the same time it is important to note social settings where shyness wasn't prevalent. Once people begin to understand what triggers the social anxiety, they will be much better prepared to handle situations. They will understand themselves better, feel at ease in settings they've determined are safe zones and can talk themselves through trigger scenarios, telling themselves "it's ok, this is just one of my triggers, I will be fine."

Technique #2 - Pretend To Be A Reporter

For various reasons, such as low self-esteem or being continually occupied with oneself, shy people tend to see themselves as the focal point of the external world. It isn't hard to imagine why shyness would become a problem if individuals think all eyes are on them, all of the time.

In social situations shy people can practice an exercise to retrain that thinking pattern. Pretending they are a reporter, they can be an active listener taking mental notes. The pressure is off to "perform" because they are simply there to learn. They can even begin the process of asking relevant, pertinent questions (being social) instead of feeling pressured to provide conversation for others.

Technique #3 - Turn Shy Situations Into Healing

When feelings of shyness appear, the initial reaction can be to flee and get away from the discomfort. However, just a slight mental shift, convincing oneself that there is much to be gained from these encounters, can create a positive outcome in overcoming shyness.

When the feelings begin to emerge, that is the time to reverse old patterns. Instead of feeling like a victim, those who are shy should begin to see it as a path to healing. Just like working out in physical therapy after a stroke can be grueling, patients know they have to go through this uncomfortable experience so that they can be strong once more.

"Working out" in settings that trigger shy feelings entails paying attention to every sensation and emotion, so individuals can understand themselves better and feel in control in social settings. Each time the feeling comes up, with positive inward reflection, they will become stronger and able to handle their discomfort better than the last time.

Technique #4 - Visualization Of One's Place In The World

As stated earlier, shy people tend to overestimate their importance to others in the world. They see themselves as the epicenter instead of one of the crowd. They are the sun, everyone else is a planet.

To get perspective, individuals can visualize themselves as part of the group in any event that triggers feelings of shyness. If at a party, they can view themselves standing in the crowd across the room. If giving a presentation, they can see themselves sitting out in the audience with everyone else.

Technique #5 - Celebrate Unconventionality

For those whose shyness is triggered by worry about what others feel regarding his or her ideas, clothes, hairstyle and the like, embracing unconventionality can do wonders to combat feeling shy.

Trying to constantly fit in or seeking approval from others is damaging to self esteem. But the concept of being yourself is just the opposite. The key is that individuals need to love themselves for exactly who they are.

As is evident from these five techniques, the key to overcoming shyness lies in a person's ability to begin working from the inside out. Taking time to understand triggers, feeling in control of social situations and changing old thought patterns will help shy people work through their discomfort, boost self esteem and begin to love themselves once more.